Saturday, August 08, 2009

Summer & Stuff

Funny~ I haven't posted all summer long! Of course I struggle with where to start each time I try this again! I guess the neatest thing as of late has been watching the boys together on vacation and throughout the summer. They have had squabbles but they seem to be more spread out and they seem to be genuinely enjoying each other's company. They are both loving playing and laughing with lil sister and each have their own little bond with her. Some days I like to just sit back and take it all in. The boys have definitely been getting along well and one day a while back they were playing with their cars in the kitchen and I overheard Lan say "I love you Cameron." He then said "Well, I guess Cameron is my new best friend." It was cute and I did have to wonder if maybe he was pleased that Cam was listening to his instructions on playing with the cars. Lan is definitely a leader which is a good thing and enjoys leading the play:)

Landon tends to be a bit introverted in larger groups and in the school setting. He really enjoys school and all the activities and every thing from skate night to book fairs but I had to ask a lot about friends and such as he did not offer too much info on his own. I loved it when he did though:) It was really hard for me when he was having a few struggles in school to take off the mommy hat and get down on his level. I don't know why it was so easy to work with children for years counseling them with school issues, home issues and such but when it comes to your own child it is a completely different story. I guess it reflects on your image and wanting to come across as this perfect mom with this perfectly well behaved child and where does that comes from anyway? For me it has always been a need to please others or to keep up my public image or the way I want others to see me or my children. I realized not far into all this that I just needed to hang that up because what good was that doing me or my family. I have had to get real with myself on many different levels and I am definitely still a work in progress. My sweet hubby helps me when I feel stuck and he lovingly said one day that I needed to "just get over myself." Imagine that! He said I needed to quit worrying about this or that and just be there for our boy and I listened. I am so glad we have that kind of relationship where we can be honest and give that nudge that the other needs. There are only a few people who can get through to me on that level and I really need that sometimes.

It really boils down to knowing your child and what works for them and not worrying about what others think and their opinions. Instead of trying to fit my child into the mold or little person that I invision I need to be the parent that he needs and for each child this may look or play out totally different according to his or her needs at that time.

Landon has a way of expressing himself through art that is simply amazing and I am so thankful to have been able to tap into that and to get some very timely help from a dear lady who is wonderful with children. Again it is hard to see things when it is your child! So I was able to remove the mommy hat and just be there with him and let him express himself through his art. Yes~ I was able to use some of my experience with art therapy but I responded in a way that really opened him up. So much so that he continued drawing for several hours and it just poured out of him. I think he finally felt understood and validated and that mom was really there for him instead of worrying about another note in the agenda. Things began to really change after that. He was probably wondering what happened to my mom?! I know that the Lord gave me several ideas of things that would work for him and I was able to share these with his teacher who was wonderful to work with. We did the little quiz in The Five Love Languages of Children with him and shared this with his teacher as well as setting up a reinforcement system. I have a new one in the works that I am very excited about as well and can't wait to see how it comes together.


Amy said...

I think it's awesome to be married to someone that you can trust to tell you the truth. And awesome that you can recieve it. I love how God gives us strategies for every day life and how to reach our kids. Your doing a great job.

Angie said...

Thanks Amy! He is definitely my best friend and I value and respect his opinion so much. I guess best friends keep it real:)

Mary said...

What a great post Angie. I love honesty like that between a husband and a wife. It's hard to take sometimes, but man it's good for us. And like you said, the key is saying it "lovingly." I think saying it shows they care.

I'm so impressed with your parenting and the way you are seeking the best for your boys. I've had to learn some of those things with Ivan. He is my sensitive and strong willed middle child. I've had to learn that I need to be his parent more than the protector of his emotions sometimes. It's tough being a mom on some days but I know that the character we are building in these small men will be well worth it.

Sorry this is so long!

Angie said...

Sensitive and strong willed~ I know that combination well:) Sounds like you have learned a lot on your parenting journey with Ivan. They are all so different~ it just amazes me!